Dude, Where’s My Adamantium? The Steel That Never Was

What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

Once upon a time in the mystical land of the Internet, I embarked on a quest to find Adamantium Steel. That’s right, the hardest, most indestructible substance in the Marvel Universe.

Fueled by comic book dreams and a caffeine buzz that could give Iron Man a run for his money, I jumped headfirst into the rabbit hole of Google. “Adamantium Steel chemical table,” I typed, expecting to find its spot next to Kryptonite and Vibranium. Boy, was I in for a surprise!

When Google shot back results like “Did you mean adamant steel?” and “Adamantium is fictional,” I was more bamboozled than a raccoon in a dumpster full of padlocks. No way! Adamantium Steel isn’t real? That’s like telling me pizza isn’t a vegetable or that Bigfoot doesn’t moonlight as a country singer! Surely there was some mix-up, some glitch in the Matrix that led me astray.

Determined not to be hoodwinked, I enlisted the help of the wise oracle known as Wikipedia. “Adamantium,” I searched, convinced I’d find its rightful place on the Periodic Table between “Unobtainium” and “Pixie Dust.” Alas, there it was—categorized strictly under ‘Fictional Elements.’ Dang, nab it! Now I felt like I’d been chasing unicorns in a field of four-leaf clovers.

At this point, I was as stubborn as a mule wearing high heels on an ice rink. Was the universe punking me? I decided to ask the all-knowing chemists on Reddit, a forum renowned for harboring intellectuals and keyboard warriors alike. “Is Adamantium Steel legit or just a hootenanny?” My inquiry was met with a flurry of ROFLs, facepalms, and advice to “Stick to the day job, buddy.”

Finally, I surrendered to the absurdity of it all, chuckling at my own gullibility. Like a dog chasing its tail, I had been on a futile quest for something as nonexistent as a sober leprechaun at Mardi Gras. Sometimes life throws you curveballs, or in my case, comic book myths. And that, my friends, is how I learned the hard way that not all that glitters on the Internet is Adamantium—or even steel, for that matter. (clint)